Laughing, All the way from the Toilet to the Living Room

Depression isn’t a dirty word, nor is it something a person should be ashamed of. 3 years ago life hit me with one heck of a curve ball and whilst lying in my bathtub, crying my eyes out with Elton John playing through my iPhone (no judgement needed), I was wondering how my life had turned out so badly when I realised I was depressed.

You see I didn’t see this curve ball coming, nor was I ready for it and having had a long family history of family members impacted by depression; I fought against the fact that I was suffering from depression myself as I didn’t want to face it.

I would still go out with friends, I would buy new clothes to make me feel better, and I would laugh when people told jokes. Instead of faking an orgasm, I was faking laughter… but what was even worse was that I was faking life. 

It took a while for the egg to subside on my head from this curve ball and it wasn’t until I booked myself an appointment with a life coach did I realise how much I needed help. The night before I was scheduled to have a phone chat with my soon-to-be life coach I went out for what was meant to be ‘sushi with friends’ but ended up as ‘sushi with friends and lots of plum wine’.

 The day of the appointment I dragged my sore head out of bed, had a shower and thought to myself I can fake it through this hour phone call, I fake laughter; heck I can fake it through this call. Ha, what a joke! With only 10 minutes left of the call I thought I had done an awesome attempt to fake it but in that last 10 minutes I had to put the life coach on mute, whilst she continued talking, I had my head in the toilet due to the shenanigans from the night before. My life was literally in the toilet!

Why do I tell you this and how does this relate to your depression? Because 3 years on and now  my life has graduated from the toilet to the living room. I sought out help; I became vulnerable with my family and friends by telling them what was really going on. I addressed my problems even when I wanted to lie in the bath, crying with Elton John and now I laugh, and I mean really belly aching laughter in my living room with amazing people.

Depression took me to some really dark places in my mind but it also taught me about inner strength, to be kind to myself, that it’s ok to break sometimes; because you get to rebuild yourself and that seeking help doesn’t mean you have failed.

So I ask you, if you or someone you know is faking laughter and not just an orgasm why not make this year that you turn faking it into making it real laughter and leaving the faking for the bedroom…